SHARON KROES

Shortcuts
Our brain uses a lot of shortcuts in daily life, because we can't process everything we see, hear and feel all the time. These shortcuts are also called 'cognitive biases': the ways our brain simplify, filter, generalize, act fast and give meaning to things. There are over 190 biases!

Negativity reflex
A well known cognitive bias is our 'negativity bias': the tendency to be more influenced by negative things than positive things. Evolutionarily this makes sense, since our ancestors learned that negative things form threats and require action. So they focused on the negative.

However, nowadays it's really unproductive most of the time. In meetings at work, discussions at home or negotiations we tend to focus on the negative things people say and mainly respond to the things we disagree with, while this causes us to get less out of our conversations. Which is a shame.

Fallacies ('drogredenen')
Negativity is often used in order to convince others. In negotiations or discussions people often use 'fallacies' in their arguments: invalid or otherwise faulty reasoning. These arguments appear to be very strong or convincing and are often hard to counter.

Luckily you can train yourself to recognize these fallacies and choose a different response. Most of the times you can turn these arguments around with just one sentence! Sharon Kroes discussed the 6 most common fallacies used in negotiations and conflicts.

The 6 fallacies

1. TRADITION

"We have always done it this way, so it's the best way"

In this case you'll probably feel the urge to counter the argument by saying that they're wrong and tell them why it's really time to change and innovate. But instead of countering the argument, you'll achieve more if you just agree with the tradition and return to your own point: "You're right, we have been doing it like this for 20 years, however the problem I'm having is [...]"

2. BLOCKING EXECUTION

"Impossible. There is no budget/time/man power."

Try to seperate 'not being able to' from 'not wanting to'. You can do this by asking: "So if there would be money and time, you wouldn't have any objections?", or "Alright there is no budget, but do you agree with my problem/argument/issue?". In this way you can test whether your idea is really impossible or the other person has other issues with your plan.

3. AUTHORITY

"Science/reports/many people say this, so it's true."

This may be true, but often it's bluf. So first ask: "Sounds great, what were the main arguments of the reports/people/science?" Most of the times there are no concrete answers to this question and if there are it's great: you can have a productive conversation about the content of the reports/arguments.

4. FALSE DILEMMA

"The only options are my idea OR [fill in an apocaliptic doom scenario]. It's your choice."

Resist the urgency to choose and ask yourself the question: are these really the only possibilites? Ask the other person: "you're forcing me to choose between two not very attractive options. Shall we look together which other possibilities we can find?"

5. HASTY GENERALIZATION

"I know a guy who's against this idea, so the whole department is against." or "It went wrong that one time, so it will go wrong everytime".

Admit to the example, but not to the conclusion or generalization. Show that the example isn't a fair representation of the rest of the problem. "I can believe this person is against, however when I look at the rest of the department I don't hear the same reactions".

6. REVERSE PERSONAL ATTACK

"I have 20 years of experience" 

People use themselves to diminish the status of someone else when they make these statements. In this case you should admit to the statement ("Yes, you have a lot of experience/knowledge"), and then just continue your own story/point. Don't let the statement of the other person become the center of the discussion.

IN SHORT

Try to recognize your biases and don't get destracted by side tracks. Realize that everything you respond to becomes the focus of the meeting/negotiation. So don't focus too much on negativity or the points you disagree with. Choose wisely!